C.R.I.S.P. — The Finer Points of the Method (1.) “S” for STRUCTURE
As I noted before, the ESSENCE of the C.R.I.S.P. Method for Sentence Style Revision is taken care of my the methods outlined in the C, R, and I: for CLARIFY, REPLACE, and INVIGORATE, respectively. The outcome of applying the various tactics outlined for these steps (along with good “writerly” common sense) should be: “The Maximum Meaning in the Minimum Number of Words.” The Plain Style: Clarity, Brevity, Simplicity of language.
But truly powerful prose can be achieved by putting the more advanced elements of the method to work: S for STRUCTURE (Structure as a VERB, meaning to work on structuring or restructuring the sentence for better effect). The basic principle on STRUCTURE is that we should NOT write as we speak — they are two modes of verbal communication that should be different.
- First, in speaking — along with the various, “spur of the moment” hems and haws and ums and the obnoxious “ya knows,” etc. — we tend to blurt out our main clause first and subsequently add other material. In terms of sentence structure, we make a LOOSE SENTENCE into a CUMULATIVE SENTENCE by tacking on additional phrases and dependent clauses. Think of a LOOSE SENTENCE as one that puts the main Subject-Verb-Complement right up front with a resultant dangling “string” to which “beads of thought” might be added. When we do that additional stringing of thoughts, we create a CUMULATIVE SENTENCE. This “fronting” of the main or emphatic idea should be reversed in writing. The writer should think: “I want the last word.” Stunk and White in THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE urge this directly in “Rule 22": “Place the emphatic words of a sentence at the end. The proper place in the sentence for the word or group of words that the writer desires to make most prominent is usually the end.” So, learn how to write, not as you speak, but with the added powers that good writing affords.
- But it’s not just “saving the best for last.” As Joseph Williams notes in his important book: STYLE: TEN LESSONS IN CLARITY AND GRACE: the ORDER of emphasis in a sentence (whether it be long and Compound-Complex or even relatively short and Simple) should be 231. In other words: save the most important or emphatically intended element for the end; the second most important position is the beginning; avoid the middle for anything you wish to emphasize or, in general, for the least significant element of your sentence. A good example of this follows.
EXAMPLES OF SENTENCE STRUCTURING BASED UPON THE 2–3–1 IMPORTANCE MODEL:
There are three elements to the following SIMPLE SENTENCE: “(1) Of America’s many military conflicts, (2) the Civil War (3) was by far the bloodiest.” Now, as all of your Statistics gurus know from your study of higher math (Yes, I’m being facetious here), there are exactly six (6) ways that a set of three may be arranged (this, of course, could be done with this small number with a simple charting). These are: 123, 132, 213, 231, 312, 321. So, just as a photographer might take a photo of “the same” subject from different vantage points and distances, we might re-arrange the elements of this sentence. Interestingly, five of the six create good grammatical sentences, BUT with different emphases:
123: We have that in the initial version above.
132: “Of America’s many military conflicts, the bloodiest by far was the Civil War.” Now this is an OK sentence
213: “The Civil War, of America’s many military conflicts, was by far the bloodiest.” A fine sentence, but I’d use this IF I’d already introduced the Civil War as a topic and wish to “up-front” the bloodiness aspect. The fact that America has fought “many military conflicts” is almost universally and commonly known.
231: “The Civil Was was by far the bloodiest of America’s many military conflicts.” Grammatically OK, but I’d opt for the 213 version any day. Emphatic position wasted on a commonly known element.
312: “By far the bloodiest of America’s many military conflicts was the Civil War.” This would be the one I would choose if I wished to surprise most readers with that fact about “The War Between the States.” Over 600,000 dead — all Americans — and still more than the total of all of our other wars combined.
321: “By far the bloodiest was the Civil War of America’s many military conflicts.” The only version that is, at least, awkward if not ungrammatical. This one just doesn’t work.
BUT NOTE: Five of these six options are good grammatical English. The one you should choose would be either 213 or 312 — for the reasons noted above.
OTHER SENTENCE TYPES — THINGS WE ALMOST NEVER DO IN SPEAKING BUT WHICH CAN ADD INTEREST AND FLAIR AND POWER TO WRITING:
- The PERIODIC SENTENCE: These were staples in classical rhetoric and the modern rhetorician knows their power as well. The main idea, sometimes only the verb is saved for “near the period, near the end” of the sentence. They add not only variety but also SUSPENSE to the writing. Here is an example of a CUMULATIVE SENTENCE (see above) turned into a PERIODIC SENTENCE: “John appeared in the doorway, his nose bloody, his shirt torn, his right arm dangling uselessly at his side.” Poor John! BUT here it is as a PERIODIC SENTENCE: “His nose bloody, his shirt torn, his right arm dangling uselessly at his side, John appeared in the doorway.” NOTE that it could have ended with “John cried out, ‘Help me!’” NOTE that it need not have been John, but maybe some other poor fellow. Both Subject and Verb were saved for near the PERIOD. Think of adding a few sentences of this type to your writing. As above, it’s simple to convert CUMULATIVE SENTENCES to PERIODIC — just a shuffling of elements.
- The INVERTED SENTENCE: In this type of sentence we do something we’re actually taught NOT to do in modern English — put the Verb before the Subject. But an inversion of any sort always has the virtue of drawing increased attention — due to its irregularity. Also, quite distinctive style can be achieved by the occasional use of an INVERTED SENTENCE. Here’s one in “normal” English syntax of Subject before Verb: “A scrutiny of Hamlet’s seven soliloquies is central to our understanding of his character.” Subj/Verb/Predicate Adjective — normal order. Now here’s an INVERSION: “Central to our understanding of Hamlet’s true nature is a scrutiny of his seven soliloquies.” Yes, the verb is “IS,” BUT this is the strongest type of use of the TO BE verb: the copula or the “equation” that we see in Predicate Nominatives and Predicate Adjectives. NOTE that this is “IS A SCRUTINY” rather than “A SCRUTINY IS.” In the latter sentence the verb is precedent. AND — it’s still good and proper and understandable ENGLISH.